The Importance of Consent and Healthy Relationships in Romance Books
In the romance genre, the portrayal of healthy relationships and clear consent is not just a nice thing to have—it's a necessity. This hasn't always been the case, but as society becomes increasingly conscious of the dynamics of personal interactions, the romance genre has found itself at the heart of an important conversation. The stories romance books share are not mere entertainment; they influence how people perceive love, respect, and consent in the real world too. Depicting clear consent and depicting healthy relationships can help shape reader expectations and experiences of their own relationships, and it can enrich the storytelling. Let's talk about why consent in romance books is so important!
What is Consent?
Consent means that the interactions between characters should be informed, enthusiastic, and freely given. This is especially crucial in intimate situations, but even outside the bedroom it can have an impact.
The romance genre is all about interpersonal connections, and telling readers that their beloved character gets a Happy Ever After with someone who is abusive or doesn't respect boundaries sends a confusing message. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, communication, and clearly defined boundaries. These elements conflict with outdated tropes like an Alpha Hero who values dominance over consent, or scenarios where non-consensual actions are romanticized. While these sorts of scenarios may have been the norm in the clinch-cover romance books you stole from your grandma’s bookshelf, they’re not acceptable in our current day and age.
The Impact of Consent in the Romance Genre
When romance novels model what healthy interactions look like, they become more than just escapism—they provide readers with examples of good practices to aspire to. Whether authors realize it or not, they wield significant power in shaping cultural norms and expectations. When I mindfully depict consent and healthy relationships in my books, I feel like I'm creating a safer reading environment.
It’s no small wonder the majority of romance readers are women. Women face constant harassment and risks to their lives simply existing in this world, so when they get to see what a healthy relationship can look like in the pages of a book, it can help them set a standard to the way others treat them. It grants a stronger sense of autonomy and understanding of My Body, My Rules.
Fiction allows us to explore all aspects of sexuality, so dubious consent (dubcon) or non-consensual (noncon) books are a thing. If that’s what you’re into, then you do you! But it’s vital to understand that these kinds of interactions are not consensual. Content warnings at the beginning of books (and/or on author websites) are especially helpful for readers here. I think it’s also important to emphasize the context, character development, and the aftermath of these kind of interactions. In this way, the narrative can still respect the gravity of consent.
Examples of Consent in Romance Novels
Modern romance books have plenty of examples to celebrate and normalize consent and healthy relationship dynamics. The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang is probably one of my favorite examples of consent in romance. Stella, wants to learn about intimacy from Michael, a sex worker, so she hires him to teach her. She’s eager to learn but can only stand to cuddle at first, and Michael’s happy to oblige, with zero pushing her to go beyond what she can handle. He’s emotionally there for her, which then makes their relationship blossom.
In my novella, Match Made in the Maldives, there’s a scene where Luna and Finn decide that their relationship is a bit weighed down with baggage from having known each other for so long, so they decide not to have penetrative sex. But they agree to, ahem, ~other things~ while not touching each other. It’s a clear boundary for that romantic encounter, and they then agree to move that boundary only when they’re ready, later in the book.
Writing Consent
For authors and aspiring authors, here are some practical tips to enrich your narrative with consent:
Don’t Leave It Up to Interpretation: Use dialogue and character thoughts to express consent clearly and romantically. Let consent be a part of the flirtation rather than something that’s implied. For so long, the unexpected, heat-of-the-moment intimacy was the true indicator of passion, but you’ll be surprised by how steamy scenes can get when characters openly talk about what they like and what they want. Consent really is sexy!
Internal = External: When a character agrees to something, make sure their internal beats match the enthusiasm. That helps hit home that this character is on board with what’s happening.
Stay Sober: A few drinks is fine, but it’s important that your characters don’t always interact under the influence. Consent can’t be given when someone isn’t in the right state of mind. This doesn’t mean your main character can’t go on a bender; that may very well be part of their character development, and it opens up opportunities for other kinds of interactions. Actually, one of my favorite microtropes is when a character gets really drunk or parties too hard and the other character cares for them.
Discuss Birth Control: My romance instructor, Jeanne DeVita, explained in her class that it’s expected in traditional publishing to present some discussion of birth control between male and female partners. Condoms, an IUD, the pill, the pull-out method, etc. Can there be failures or decisions that lead to a surprise pregnancy? Sure! But both/all the characters need to be on board with the route they’re taking in regards to birth control, every time.
Build Healthy Dynamics: Develop relationships that are full of equality and respect. Your characters will grow and change throughout the book, and their interactions should continue to build upon that solid, healthy foundation. Even if your characters like kink, BDSM, or sub/dom role play in the bedroom, it needs to clearly come from a place of love and agreement.
Keep it Coming: When consent is given once, it isn’t given forever. Consent should be an ongoing conversation.
View Consent as a Storytelling Opportunity: Have a character, like Stella in The Kiss Quotient, who’s particular about physical touch? That’s a fun challenge for a writer to explore! Yes, consent means setting boundaries with what a character is and isn’t okay with, but rather than view that as a hindrance, those boundaries give you guidance and room to get creative.
Have Beta Readers or Sensitivity Readers: Other pairs of eyes are a great way to ensure you’re keeping things consensual. As writers, we’re close to the work in a way that we may miss things.
Avoid Common Pitfalls: Don’t glorify persistence that borders on coercion—that’s just plain uncomfortable, in real life and in fiction. Also take the time to resolve conflicts through communication, not sweeping them aside with passion. Those tough, gritty conversations will bring your characters closer and give them a better understanding of each other.
The romance genre has the power to not only tell tales of love but also to highlight narratives that emphasize the dignity of consent and the beauty of healthy relationships. Romance today must champion stories that foster respect between characters and celebrate consensual love. That way, these books can be a source of not only solace and joy, but a positive force for change.